One....

A year ago tomorrow Baby G made her way earthside after a very intense 30 minute labour.  I am taking time out today, putting a hold on the party planning, a hold on the ever growing list of things to do and reflecting on the awesomeness of our baby girl and the journey we have taken over the last year together. 

This day last year- the night before I went into labour with Baby G, I wrote a note for my family and this is the part I wrote for my belly babe, who, unbeknown to me at the time was almost ready to journey out into the world and into the arms of her loving family.

From the moment you were conceived I have loved you.  You are a gentle soul and I feel utterly blessed as I feel you move with grace in my belly.  The thought of meeting you takes my breath away and fills me with an uncontainable excitement.  I can’t wait to welcome you into the world and share our lives with you.  Thank you for choosing us to be your family.

I am filled with emotion about the prospect of my baby turning one.  I am ever so grateful and proud and also shocked at how quickly the last 12 months have gone.  Baby G takes my breath away with her beauty, inside and out, her smile lights up a room and she brings sunshine and happiness to everyone she meets.  She is determined, hot tempered, cheeky, loves to babble, high five, play peek a boo and clap.  She loves animals, bananas in pyjamas, going to the park, squeals with excitement when Daddy Bear gets home from work, adores her brother and is happiest when she can watch the world go by whilst sitting on her Mama Bear's hip. 

I am completely in awe of the little lady Daddy Bear and I created from love and raise in love.  She reminds me that people are born with an innate goodness and that every day, even the hard ones when you want to call a do-over, is precious, fleeting and a special gift that not everyone is lucky enough to be given. 

 So, in the midst of a busy honeypot filled with chaos, I sit here with pure gratitude and give thanks for my much longed-for little girl.  My heart overflows with love and pride and no words give justice to the love I have for her.  It truly is an honour being your mummy little girl xxx

Moments in time....

I enjoyed some very rare time to myself yesterday and went to have my eyebrows threaded whilst Daddy Bear took control of the honeypot.  As I was driving home in the sunshine with (gasp!) adult music playing on the radio instead of our usual pirate tunes kids CD, I started thinking of some moments imprinted in my brain that no matter how fuzzy everything else becomes, seem to stay as clear as the moment in which I was experiencing them.  They are not all momentous, fabulous moments filled with joy and may not even be the most important moment in the sequence of events of which they occurred, but nonetheless, for some reason they have a clarity and freshness in my mind and often surface with the sound of a familiar song, smell or feeling.

I have narrowed it down to 5, even though I am sure as soon as I post this 10 more will be begging for my attention.  None is more important than the other so I am going to reveal them in chronological order:

1. We went to a horse show every summer as children and would camp at the showgrounds whilst my Dad would compete.  I vividly remember walking the dirt road to the arena from the camp grounds first thing in the mornings as Garth Brooks' songs played on the loud speaker to start the day.  This is no doubt where my love for his music sprang from and to this day if the weather is right and I hear one of those familiar songs, I am transported back to being a child enjoying carefree days in the sun with friends, horses, dust, freedom and fun.

2.  My first dealing with the sickness and death of a family member happened when my Pop got sick not long before Daddy Bear and I were engaged.  The first time I visited him in hospital I was shocked and not at all sure how to take it.  Me being me, I held a brave face at the hospital and all the way home, had dinner, showered and went to bed.  Hours later I was still holding a brave face and unable to sleep.  I felt though my reality had been shaken and that I was somehow watching myself experience this sadness rather than actually allowing myself to feel it.  Daddy Bear pulled me to his chest, I let my guard down and allowed myself to feel.  I bawled for hours, which he allowed me to do for as long as it took.  Glamorous- no, the stuff of real love- absolutely.

3.  I still chuckle when I remember the day Daddy Bear and I married.  I had kept the dress a surprise and I am sure he didn't know what to expect.  I walked down the aisle for the first time, took his hand and he whispered in my ear "you look smokin' babe".  I mentioned it to him once a few years ago and he did not even remember saying it which makes me laugh even more.




4.  I cannot remember much of my labour with Mr. A other than it was long and exhausting.  The rest is a blur no doubt caused by tiredness and hormones.  However, etched in my mind as clear as could be is my first words as Mr. A finally arrived earthside.  After a chaotic delivery in a room full of doctors, nurses, hustle and bustle, I looked to Daddy Bear and through tears said "you are a Daddy". 




5.  The night that Baby G arrived earthside I was tired, weak and ready for sleep.  I snuggled in bed with her and found myself unable to sleep as I spent the majority of the night gazing with amazement at the beautiful lady we had created and I had just birthed.  I clearly remember thinking to myself that I should take in every smell, movement and memory of the moment I was experiencing.  There is nothing as special as those first few hours after bringing another soul into the world and it is not a privilege one gets to experience often.  My mind still lovingly escapes to this precious memory and my heart overflows with love and gratitude when I hear of another baby being welcomed safely into the world.

I wish I could say that all of my moments involve me looking effortlessly cute with my hair and makeup done but it is far from the case- when I was crying I was no doubt using a toilet roll to blow my nose and when I was a child enjoying the carefree summers at the horse show I was a tomboy kid wearing lycra bike shorts (I shudder thinking of this visual image but hey- it was the 90's!), dirty from long days playing in dust and sun.  That is what life is though I think- unglamourous sometimes, perfect in others....real. 

I think certain memories and experiences come together to make the patchwork of our life, a patchwork that is constantly growing and evolving.  No patchwork is more beautiful or well sewn than others and each memory and experience is as beautiful and the individual who it belongs to.  So, if you ask me, we should crank up that music, enjoy life and reminisce our cherished memories with gratitude in our hearts. 

How about you? Do you have moments in time that have a clarity and freshness no matter how much time has passed?

Motherhood

Life seems to be crazy busy at the honeypot lately.  I am feeling both mentally and physically worn out, Daddy Bear has been extra busy at work and we have not had the chance to catch our breath for the past week.  Baby G has not been sleeping much (this is nothing new though!) but is also irritable and tired which makes life for Mama Bear and her babies not so fun.

So, with this in mind I have decided to dig into my archives and post an old piece I wrote for my personal collection not long after Mr. A was born that makes me reflect on how awesome everything is, even when I am feeling tapped out, under pressure and overwhelmed.  Somehow, reading this piece soothes my soul and makes me feel grateful for life which, if you ask me, is the perfect start to what will hopefully be a wonderful weekend!

On the 18th January 2009 I gave birth to my first child. Giving birth is not just about bringing a precious baby in to the world, it is also about women giving birth to themselves as mothers. So, on the 18th January 2009, I brought my beautiful boy into this world and I also gave birth to myself as a mother……..

Motherhood is patience, instincts, having faith and raw emotion. It is putting another’s life and best interests above your own. Mothers are stronger and more capable than they ever thought possible. We have wisdom and an innate ability to care for and guide our children through life. Being a mother is about raising great men and women.

 Motherhood is all-consuming, worry, second guessing, frustrating at times and a lifelong commitment but, most of all, motherhood is true and unconditional love.

 Motherhood is loving your partner in ways you never dreamed imaginable. It is falling in love with your husband all over again as you watch him nurture, provide for, play with and care for the child you created together.

 Motherhood is being able to multi-task. It is exciting and daunting all at the same time. Motherhood is seeing the world through your child’s pure and untainted eyes, it is seeing the world for the first time all over again.

Motherhood is exhilarating. It is watching your child with tears in your eyes as you realise just how blessed you are. It is crying with excitement when your baby does something new for the first time. Motherhood is loving someone more than you ever thought possible.  

Motherhood is a lifelong adventure. Being a mother is the greatest gift a woman can give to the world and the greatest gift she will ever be given. Motherhood is a blessing.

 

I hope your weekend is full of fun, gratitude and love, whatever you may be doing xxx

4 years....

Four years ago tomorrow Daddy Bear and I married.  In those four years we have had two children, two homes, happiness, excitement, sadness, sickness and health.  If nothing else, it has been a wild ride and in honour of our anniversary, I thought I'd look back at the promises we made to each other before life took over.  Before nappies, lack of sleep and work commitments....when it was just the two of us against the world.... 

Adam, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the number of moments that take our breath away. 

Today I choose to spend the rest of my life sharing those moments with you. 

I promise to love you above all else,

to respect and appreciate you,

to care for and spoil you,

to be your friend,

to share the joys and the sorrows

and to remember to live in the moment with you. 

Adam, I choose to build my life with you and as we grow old together and continue to change with age,

there is one thing that will never change,

I will always keep falling in love with you.

                                                

Chelsea, I love you not only for what you are,

but for what I am when I am with you. 

I love you not only what you have made of yourself,

but for what you are making of me. 

Today, you have made me complete and I choose to spend the rest of my life with you. 

I promise to love you above all else,

to respect and appreciate you,

to care for and spoil you,

to be your friend,

to share the joys and the sorrows and to remember to live in the moment with you. 

Chelsea, I choose to build my life with you and as we grow old together and continue to change with age,

there is one thing that will never change,

I will always keep falling in love with you.

Life doesn't always need to be a romance novel, things aren't always perfect and life and love can be hard when we feel the pressures of parenting small children who demand a lot of attention.  For now, romance may be Daddy bear making me a cup of tea at the end of a long day, however, I know that all too quickly this time-poor baby phase will pass and Daddy Bear and I will embark on the next phase of our lives together....in the meantime we are working hard to keep a line of communication open (even when we may only get 5 minutes some days) so that when we do get to spend time together we actually know who each other is!

So, happy anniversary to the man whom I respect more than anything and love with all I have.  Everything good in life is better shared with you and everything hard is made easier just by having you by my side....and hey, who knows, maybe if both the kids cooperate for 15 minutes at the same time tonight you may just get time to have a cup of tea with me AND read this post?!?!