Moments in time....

I enjoyed some very rare time to myself yesterday and went to have my eyebrows threaded whilst Daddy Bear took control of the honeypot.  As I was driving home in the sunshine with (gasp!) adult music playing on the radio instead of our usual pirate tunes kids CD, I started thinking of some moments imprinted in my brain that no matter how fuzzy everything else becomes, seem to stay as clear as the moment in which I was experiencing them.  They are not all momentous, fabulous moments filled with joy and may not even be the most important moment in the sequence of events of which they occurred, but nonetheless, for some reason they have a clarity and freshness in my mind and often surface with the sound of a familiar song, smell or feeling.

I have narrowed it down to 5, even though I am sure as soon as I post this 10 more will be begging for my attention.  None is more important than the other so I am going to reveal them in chronological order:

1. We went to a horse show every summer as children and would camp at the showgrounds whilst my Dad would compete.  I vividly remember walking the dirt road to the arena from the camp grounds first thing in the mornings as Garth Brooks' songs played on the loud speaker to start the day.  This is no doubt where my love for his music sprang from and to this day if the weather is right and I hear one of those familiar songs, I am transported back to being a child enjoying carefree days in the sun with friends, horses, dust, freedom and fun.

2.  My first dealing with the sickness and death of a family member happened when my Pop got sick not long before Daddy Bear and I were engaged.  The first time I visited him in hospital I was shocked and not at all sure how to take it.  Me being me, I held a brave face at the hospital and all the way home, had dinner, showered and went to bed.  Hours later I was still holding a brave face and unable to sleep.  I felt though my reality had been shaken and that I was somehow watching myself experience this sadness rather than actually allowing myself to feel it.  Daddy Bear pulled me to his chest, I let my guard down and allowed myself to feel.  I bawled for hours, which he allowed me to do for as long as it took.  Glamorous- no, the stuff of real love- absolutely.

3.  I still chuckle when I remember the day Daddy Bear and I married.  I had kept the dress a surprise and I am sure he didn't know what to expect.  I walked down the aisle for the first time, took his hand and he whispered in my ear "you look smokin' babe".  I mentioned it to him once a few years ago and he did not even remember saying it which makes me laugh even more.




4.  I cannot remember much of my labour with Mr. A other than it was long and exhausting.  The rest is a blur no doubt caused by tiredness and hormones.  However, etched in my mind as clear as could be is my first words as Mr. A finally arrived earthside.  After a chaotic delivery in a room full of doctors, nurses, hustle and bustle, I looked to Daddy Bear and through tears said "you are a Daddy". 




5.  The night that Baby G arrived earthside I was tired, weak and ready for sleep.  I snuggled in bed with her and found myself unable to sleep as I spent the majority of the night gazing with amazement at the beautiful lady we had created and I had just birthed.  I clearly remember thinking to myself that I should take in every smell, movement and memory of the moment I was experiencing.  There is nothing as special as those first few hours after bringing another soul into the world and it is not a privilege one gets to experience often.  My mind still lovingly escapes to this precious memory and my heart overflows with love and gratitude when I hear of another baby being welcomed safely into the world.

I wish I could say that all of my moments involve me looking effortlessly cute with my hair and makeup done but it is far from the case- when I was crying I was no doubt using a toilet roll to blow my nose and when I was a child enjoying the carefree summers at the horse show I was a tomboy kid wearing lycra bike shorts (I shudder thinking of this visual image but hey- it was the 90's!), dirty from long days playing in dust and sun.  That is what life is though I think- unglamourous sometimes, perfect in others....real. 

I think certain memories and experiences come together to make the patchwork of our life, a patchwork that is constantly growing and evolving.  No patchwork is more beautiful or well sewn than others and each memory and experience is as beautiful and the individual who it belongs to.  So, if you ask me, we should crank up that music, enjoy life and reminisce our cherished memories with gratitude in our hearts. 

How about you? Do you have moments in time that have a clarity and freshness no matter how much time has passed?

Motherhood

Life seems to be crazy busy at the honeypot lately.  I am feeling both mentally and physically worn out, Daddy Bear has been extra busy at work and we have not had the chance to catch our breath for the past week.  Baby G has not been sleeping much (this is nothing new though!) but is also irritable and tired which makes life for Mama Bear and her babies not so fun.

So, with this in mind I have decided to dig into my archives and post an old piece I wrote for my personal collection not long after Mr. A was born that makes me reflect on how awesome everything is, even when I am feeling tapped out, under pressure and overwhelmed.  Somehow, reading this piece soothes my soul and makes me feel grateful for life which, if you ask me, is the perfect start to what will hopefully be a wonderful weekend!

On the 18th January 2009 I gave birth to my first child. Giving birth is not just about bringing a precious baby in to the world, it is also about women giving birth to themselves as mothers. So, on the 18th January 2009, I brought my beautiful boy into this world and I also gave birth to myself as a mother……..

Motherhood is patience, instincts, having faith and raw emotion. It is putting another’s life and best interests above your own. Mothers are stronger and more capable than they ever thought possible. We have wisdom and an innate ability to care for and guide our children through life. Being a mother is about raising great men and women.

 Motherhood is all-consuming, worry, second guessing, frustrating at times and a lifelong commitment but, most of all, motherhood is true and unconditional love.

 Motherhood is loving your partner in ways you never dreamed imaginable. It is falling in love with your husband all over again as you watch him nurture, provide for, play with and care for the child you created together.

 Motherhood is being able to multi-task. It is exciting and daunting all at the same time. Motherhood is seeing the world through your child’s pure and untainted eyes, it is seeing the world for the first time all over again.

Motherhood is exhilarating. It is watching your child with tears in your eyes as you realise just how blessed you are. It is crying with excitement when your baby does something new for the first time. Motherhood is loving someone more than you ever thought possible.  

Motherhood is a lifelong adventure. Being a mother is the greatest gift a woman can give to the world and the greatest gift she will ever be given. Motherhood is a blessing.

 

I hope your weekend is full of fun, gratitude and love, whatever you may be doing xxx

The honeypot

An ongoing theme for our family is our new house, or the honeypot as I like to call it.  As Easter fast approaches us, so too does the first anniversary of moving into our new home (we moved in on Easter Sunday a week or so after Baby G arrived).  All I can say is whilst some things cannot be avoided, I would never choose to move and have a baby at the same time again!  We have been torn between no time and limited funds for most of the past year and whilst it would be nice for a well established money tree to magically drop $30,000 in our laps to finish everything we want to do, it is certainly not the case so we are doing virtually all of the work ourselves (with the invaluable help of Poppy who is the driving force behind our improvements and teams up with Daddy Bear to make our plans a reality).  So, for now we are plugging away, doing things when we have time and reminding ourselves that it takes a few months to build a house but can take years to make a home.  In the meantime, I am researching and sourcing where to get the things we need, keeping my eye on the bigger picture and planning the next job on our never ending to-do list.  A little reminder of how far we have come doesn't go astray either!